Beware of the "Nut"

I am obligated to begin this post with an apology.  I have invaded your treasured space because I have made an amazing discovery of a new species that has been uncovered in our own beautiful backyard. So I am sorry for hacking into your world but I thought it was important for me to share this find with all of you. This new species of creature was first seen in the Lake Toxaway community only two years ago and local scientists believe the facts bear out that we are viewing first hand how fascinating the evolutionary process can be. Since our first encounter two years ago, the population of this new life form has managed to double itself over seven times. At first we, of the investigative community, were ecstatic to learn of the birth and growth of a new species. It is not everyday that one gets to experience this first hand. After about six months of watching from a distance and documenting the process, we began to get a bit concerned about the pace of growth and how rapidly this development process was unfolding. Not only was the new population growing geometrically but the group actually started organizing itself into a collective community. This was fascinating to my colleagues initially but soon our amazement began to turn to worry. Immediately upon organizing, the group decided that protecting themselves was imperative so they decided to bear arms. Curiously they chose an ancient style weapon to protect themselves, if protection is really their goal. The weapon was fashioned after a medieval style hammer and the group began calling it a mallet. The intelligence of this group is mind boggling because instead of becoming proficient with the basics uses of this hammer like device the group began fine tuning their skills by striking multi colored balls expertly around an open field. They then placed brackets in the ground and to further hone their talents they began attempting to knock these balls through these brackets that barely had enough room for passage. As the group population began to grow so has their expertise and skills. I personally, along with my colleagues, do not yet know to what end they have in mind.  As the species has a human like form I am fearful that we may be facing a situation similar to the movie “The Invasion of the Body Snatchers”. Not only has the growth been phenomenal, but they have developed traditional verbal language skills, a type of sign language that we have not yet deciphered and they are becoming very territorial. An example of this signing was first seen when one of the group began arousing enthusiasm by using a tomahawk chopping motion to excite the group. I am fearful that this chopping motion is actually a carefully disguised call to follow her into battle. No violence has occurred yet because every time their actions become too excited their apparent leader (now labeled #1, the Great Exciter) calmly steps forward and gains all of their attention by pursing his lips and creating an ear piercing whistle. He quickly calms the active crowd and skillfully begins to encourage them to be fruitful and go forth and multiply. And multiply they have. I have taken up way too much of your valuable time and space but let me list a few facts that should be cause for alarm:

1. The group quickly adopted a formal way of dress in All Whites. Is this a just a clever form of daytime camouflage?
2. They eventually began to call themselves “nuts”, “croquetnuts” to be exact. This alone makes me worry about their ultimate intentions.
3. They claimed a piece of land in our valued community and their fast paced growth has required that they double their needs and have begun occupying new space complete with plans for new hammers, new striking balls and new brackets for accuracy.  I fear that before we know what is happening they will begin to try and assimilate into our local community.

I will continue to periodically report their progress to you but PLEASE be careful.  Approach these “Croquetnuts” with caution. Their communications skills are quite powerful and they now openly try to recruit for their own cause from our hallowed population. We have already seen some of our membership convert to what very well may be the dark side (I think all whites are just a clever cover to hide their true nature). If you pay close attention, the nut who began using the chopping motion has recruited from within our own one who has the makings of a military leader. You know the real “crusty” type. Thank you for letting me hijack your space.  I feel it is my duty to keep you informed and up to date.

Keep Toxaway safe and beware of those bearing custom mallets,

Anonymous